A Day in the Life.

I haven’t written anything in awhile. There hasn’t really been much to say really. The fact remains however that I love to write and honestly that should be enough. So, why now? This evening I went to fix myself a cocktail, and low and behold, I find the ice tray had been refilled. Doesn’t sound like much of a problem right? Did I write that last sentence correctly? It had been refilled. Well get to that question in a minute, but first I should expound on what I would refer to as the ice cube tray cycle of life. See here’s the proper rotation for ice as I see it.
Any icebox should have a minimum of three ice trays. One tray should always contain frozen cube and that tray should be found on top of the pile of trays. Why? Does this not make the most sense for retrieving the cubes without making a mess? The second tray should contain partially frozen cubes, if not fully frozen. There may be some days when there will be a high cube-to-drink ration, such as those when you have company over. However, I am not really writing about those days, as proper etiquette for company and high cube traffic times should prompt the owner of the, lets call them personal cubes, to go out and purchase a larger portion of the solidified H2O, hence fortifying the position of the personal cubes standard cycle. In this way, even moderate usage would find the middle tray of cubes with a sufficient amount of solidification, enough to ensure there are no mishaps from incidental spillage occurring were someone to jar the second tray or perhaps grabbing more than just the uppermost tray. This leaves us to our final participant of the ice cube tray cycle of life, that of the third and final tray. By matter of elimination, one should always assume that the bottom tray would be the newbie of the cube groups, and therefore the most likely to contain the least amount of hardened matter, or for simplicity’s sake, ice. So the proper rotation would be taking from the top, until the tray is empty then refill with water, and insert the tray into the bottom of the pile, carefully, having assumed the bottommost tray may contain a portion of the matter in question that may still be in a liquid state.
Alright, assuming you have some semblance of rational, what might we do to totally destroy the order inherent to the ice cube tray cycle of life? Well lets take the simple ones first. One way to totally disrupt the cycle would be to reverse the order, right? You put the newly filled tray on top of the partially frozen cubes, which in turn are sitting atop the lowermost tray of frozen cubes. Obviously it could be messy to attempt a retrieval in this manner, and I’m guessing the person unawares of the reverse rotation would be rather unpleasant upon their enlightenment. Lets, look at another example of how the cycle of life for our ice cube trays might be usurped. Placing an empty tray into the cycle is also a valid way of foiling the proper rotation, as you ultimately stand to have what could be multiple trays in our three tray system in a state of uselessness. Consider a high cube day where someone has returned an empty tray to the top of the stack. You might have to remove it from the stack to get cubes, which may or may not be solid, from the middle tray. In the case of a multi-pick (more than one drink) this could result in two newly empty trays as well as the bottom tray which we’ve suggested is typically your liquefied ice cube tray. All of this would result in three trays of liquid H2O. Anyone coming in after would have no way of cooling their beverage through the use of our standard system, as there would be no cubes. This again could become fiercely aggravating, especially if were talking about a situation where adult beverages are being served.
Now lets go back to the beginning. I’m having a few cocktails in the company of another individual who is perhaps having a soda. My rotation is well within the guidelines of this proof, moving ice up from the bottom where it is reintroduced to the lineup as water only from the bottom. My pace is not so fast as to become aggressive hence several hours have seen my rotating three or more trays without incident. However, as I return for another load of cubes to cool my libations, I am affronted by an anomaly of such proportions that I become rapidly unstable. Someone has undermined the very decency of a systematic society which by all estimates has only done them well and has never failed them. Someone added a half tray of water to half a tray of frozen cubes. To add insult to injury the tray has not been inserted from the bottom, it has been placed atop the middle tray and by proxy is the next to be retrieved by the unsuspecting citizen who above all has respected all by merely following the dictates taught by ones forebear’s. I pick the tray up and there’s water on my arm, in the freezer, and on the floor. What the fuck kind of shit is that? That’s some bull-stuffAmerica and it pisses me off! What monkeys ass, who in the fuck, what the… Fuck!!!
So, a word of advice; learn the fucking system. And don’t go giving me any of that, well, we have a container you empty all the trays into, and we just grab cubes from there. That’s like telling me you don’t need to know math, because they have a cash register at the fucking Wendy’s your dumb-ass works for, you fuck. And don’t give me the we’ve got a automatic ice maker, you social misfit that’s like losing your virginity to your cousins vibrator. You’re inbred and you need a machine to keep you going. If you learned to tie your fucking shoes, you can learn to put the mother fucking ice cube trays in the fucking freezer in the proper fucking order, you stupid fucking moron fucker.
Anyway, thanks to all my normal readers; all those down to earth people who don’t need a fucking manual on life. Learn it, live it, love it or more plainly Just Do It!